The right mindset to help you stay sane in times of challenges/ A guide to everyday triumph for the young Nigerian woman

Young Nigerian woman staying sane in times of challenges

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Before I give you my thought on how to cope with tough situations, let me share a story with you. If you are in a hurry to read through, just skip to the last sub heading ‘THE RIGHT MINDSET TO POSSESS IN ORDER TO STAY SANE IN TIME OF CHALLENGES’ and grab the message already.

But in case you are like me, You love stories, then I wish you a happy reading with this one.

Every girl has her giant to slay

Yetunde,  an intelligent and ambitious 20 years old from Oye, a small town in Ekiti is undeniably obsessed with a thing; something yet to be identified but same thing every young woman resonate with.

Yetunde is active and she divides her time between attending classes at the university and helping in her mother’s business. She is from a large family of eight, which makes her parent’s resources in catering for the family need limited. She has at one point dropped out from school before she could raise some funds from kind friends and families after which, she returned to school.

Ever since Yetunde was a child, all she had wanted is the opportunity to live a fabulous life where there is no lack, have the things she need; such as always having enough money to spend, good clothing, necessary gadgets like some of her course mates and the capacity to be in places that catches her fancy.

As young as Yetunde, she experiments with taking decisions on her own, some, which turns out well, and others result in situation that she is not proud of. Most times, she fears that she will never accomplish much saddled with several other challenges apart from finances, like gender inequalities, (especially in her small town where female are highly restricted in some situations) peer pressure, insecurity and many more.

She is down, overwhelmed and needs to be encouraged; maybe someone to talk to, maybe a little trick and tip on how to hold her head up. Then there is a calling for youth summit in Lagos organized by her church. She is thrilled about the idea of travelling outside her small town for the first time. She has never been outside Oye. She is fascinated about the idea of being with other girls her age in a big city like Lagos. However, her hope dashes because she cannot raise the subsidized token tagged on the trip. Thankfully, her unit president offers to help and Yetunde is super excited.

Once in Lagos, all her body and face can express is excitement. She eats well in camp; the best she had ever eaten in her entire life. She basks in the euphoria of the moment as she meets different kind of girls; older, classy, well spoken, sophisticated, well mannered, knowledgeable amongst others. She desires to be in the shoe of many that catches her fancy. She wishes in heart to be some of the girls not knowing each has a peculiar situation to deal with; like the case of Lulu, 24 whose looks evidently speaks of the fact that she has been born and raised in affluent; being always sophisticated in appearance. She had come to the summit from Southern Nigeria.  She looks very contented and spends most of her time being alone unlike some of the girls who instantly buzz and bond. Lulu is often spot underneath a shade with her sunglasses on and staring at the blue sky. Yetunde thinks she is proud because of her class unknowingly to her; Lulu is going through a traumatic time in her life. Her fiancé jilted her for a European returnee whom he considers has loads of cash than Lulu. Although, his excuse was that Lulu is overly educated, enlightened, opinionated, and too empowered for his fits.

Lulu has never felt so betrayed in her 30 years of living on planet earth. Despite coming from an advantageous background, she has hustle her way to a self acclaimed success firstly by working for money and then making her money work for her by investing in diverse business. This was possible for her because she had educated herself on every truth about money in order to be rich. She made sure she was supportive of her ex fiancé with everything she has including her money. He abandoned her after a nine years relationship. She is obviously desolate and in despair when she heard about the summit. She decided to use the summit as an escape route; a getaway and removes her mind off things.

Fortunately, Yetunde quickly made friends with Ngozi, an attractive ibo girl whose attributes is endearing. She is lively, fiercely friendly and looks trouble free. Again, Yetunde wishes that she was Ngozi, that her life had been much easier like either of the girls as she reflects on her personal journey of hardship. She got talking with Ngozi on this particular warm afternoon and they discuss a lot ranging from life in general, then the summit, and the other girls. At this point, Yetunde learns that Lulu is going through an emotional turmoil and that makes her act the way she does. Ngozi gives her more hint and Yetunde heart bleeds. She blames herself for misconstruing Lulu; thereby judging her. She lifts her gaze and sees Lulu at her usual spot in the same exact posture. The girls approach her.

Lulu smiles warmly at Ngozi; effortlessly creating the impression that she is more than happy to see her. Ngozi introduces Yetunde, Lulu throws a remark (complement. Make sure to use words that really captures the right emotions) at Yetunde, and this makes Yetunde laughs and eases up. The girls are soon engrossed in a frenzy chat.

In the evening of it, the girls sit together receiving the cool evening breeze while they chew and chat. Lulu blurts out on how she admires Ngozi a lot and crushes on her way of doing things. She adds that Ngozi’s life is so trouble free. Ngozi smiles in appreciation but discloses that she has her life issues just that she does not wear them round her neck like a necklace.

Ngozi relates to the girls how she lost her parents at a tender age in a robbery incident where the gunmen attacked and butchered her parents before her eyes. How living life has been painfully difficult. How she has to move in/out from one relative to the other. How the gun smoke she inhaled at the time her parents were shot metamorphosed into a detrimental ailment due to lack of health care. How a young boy got her pregnant and denied responsibility; leaving her alone to care and make decisions about the unwanted pregnancy. She finalizes by stating she has learnt reasons never to make injurious sacrifice in any relationship again. She laments of how tired she is of living a push about life and intends to straighten her life; it is never too late to be on the right part she declares.

By the time Ngozi finishes her story, the other two girls are completely overwhelmed as they stare speechlessly at her. Where they actually thought life has been unfair , here is someone who her story is more than worse.

Yetunde is speechless. She stares past the girls into space as she gives personal counsel to herself in her mind; to stop wishing she was someone else. She will rather fight her battle in her shoe because the next girl she wishes to be might even have a bigger giant to wrestle.

Yetunde learnt a great lesson there and then that every woman is actually fighting her own battle; some just do not wear it round their neck.

The right mindset to possess in order to stay sane in times of challenges

It helps to be aware and always tell yourself  that-

  • You are not the only human going through a tough time. Every girl has her cry just that it can be different. Your cry may not be mine. I may have all the money in the world, still; health will be a luxury I cannot afford. You may have a job, steady relationship, good friends but may be battling with emotional torture.
  • When going through a tough time, recount the numerous things to be grateful for and dwell more on them instead of focusing so much on your challenge; think about your blessings, like the air you are still breathing.
  • Worry less because worrying does not change a thing. It will only increase your tension and reduce the ability of your brain to reason possible solutions.
  • It is never too late to take a decision that will affect your life positively. It does not matter the ugly situation, you can always plan ahead of things.
  • No matter how hard the situation get, remember that the best things in life are free.

I hope that you enjoyed my story and had so much to learn. However, I know that there are so many tips on the right mindset that can help during tough times and are not in the above list. What is the right mindset you think will help any young woman stay sane time of challenges? What are the tips that have helped you cope in times of challenges? Share your opinion and let’s jam ideas in a convo at the comment section below.

 

 

 

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